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.. this whole ... Josh! Everything here, all of it ... women DIE Josh. There's no doctor Josh! There's no civilization, no help! We DIE here Josh. We die young. Men usually die fighting or hunting, but not now, you're solving that!"She took a breath. "But! You're not solving OUR problem, the women. There's no medicine, no midwives, no doctors. There's no new penicillin, no new surgeons. BOUNTIFUL DIED, JOSH!"All I could do was try to hold her, but she shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "I don't know what to say, Julie." I know, Josh." I'm afraid all the time too, Julie. What if the harvest fails? What if typhoid or something else breaks out? What if we lose the flock, what if the winter is too cold? We could ALL die, Julie. I'm afraid all the time too."Then she came to me, and we hugged fiercely. I stroked her hair. Under her breath, where only I could hear her, she said. "It'll be all right, be okay."I nodded and said. "Promise."That was all we had, promises and our love.. Mom held me, took me to my bedroom, helping me undress as Iblubbered, telling her how I felt, even admitting that I liked being thecenter of someone's attention, adding that I never wanted to be a boy,and wanted mom to make me a girl so I wouldn't feel this way ever again.But of course she could not do that, and told me that she had come tolike having a daughter around, but reminded me that when school started,I would have to be a boy again. Sadly, that's exactly what happened.I saw Teri every day until school started, pushing Bill away from me,trying to make him understand that I would be leaving, and there wasn'tany way he and I could be more than friends. Teri tried to make me feelbetter, but two days before I enrolled in school, I was at the beautyshop as they cut my hair shorter, dyeing it back to the original color,letting me change in a small booth before mom and I went home. One lookat myself and the tears started again, but there wasn't any other way. Ibegan school in as.
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